Gaslighting Examples in Friendships
The following are the examples of gaslighting in friendship:
a. Friend Who Gossips
Janet is best friends with Kate. She believes that Kate is the one who understands her and keeps Janet’s secrets to herself. Janet’s boyfriend Shawn broke up with her a week ago.
Hence, Janet was quite depressed and decided to tell everything about her breakup to Kate.
One day Janet was standing at a watercooler in the school. She heard her classmates talking about her breakup with Shawn.
That day Janet decided that she would not tell anything personal about her life to Kate. This is a classic example of gaslighting in friendship.
b. Uses Techniques Like Splitting and Lying
Ron and Max are best of friends. But Max is a gaslighter out of the two. For the past few days, Max has been telling Ron that few of their friends are gossiping about Ron.
Initially, Ron used to take it seriously and get upset. Further, he started ignoring and showing bad behavior towards the friends who he thought were gossiping about him.
Finally, Ron decided to clarify things out with those friends. That day, he came to know that Max was trying to pit him against other friends. Max wanted to isolate Ron from others. Further, he wanted Ron to devote all his attention to him.
c. Befriends Your Spouse or Partner
Emma is best friends with Tiaraa. They share everything with each other. It was the first time Emma was meeting Daniel. That seemed a nice catch up.
However, few days later Emma sent a text message to Daniel saying that she needed help with her dishwasher.
Besides the text message, Emma also sent a winking emoji. Daniel sent the names of some of the appliance repair people. After this episode, Emma never contacted Daniel again.
Other Examples of Gaslighting in Friendship
1. Splitting and Lying
Gaslighting friends are great at splitting people apart. They purposely pit people against each other as they love to see people fight. The most common tactic that they adopt is to tell you that a friend said something bad about you. Remember, you do not have to trust what your gaslighting friend says about other people.
In fact, you need to directly talk to the person in question and clarify things. In addition to this, gaslighting friends also have the habit of lying. This especially happens when it gives them the feeling of power over others. Thus, your galighting friends would cook up things if they do not have anything to gossip about. They do not care whether they are lying about you or other people.
They are aware that people are curious to know what’s happening in other people’s life. Remember, gaslighting friends lie about other people to distract you from their own bad behavior. This happens especially when call out on their bad behavior.
2. Befriending Your Spouse or Partner
Gaslighting friends even go to the extent of forming a special bond with your spouse or partner. They will pretend that they are just good friends to your spouse and would portray themselves as good listeners.
Gaslighters are aware that to feel better, everyone wants to be listened to and feel needed. Thus, they would use this tactic to come closer to your spouse. Remember, you do not have share your relationship problems with such a friend. This is because he/she will see it as an opportunity to hook up with your partner. And they do all of this very slowly. Gaslighters will build emotional intimacy with your partner over time. AS mentioned earlier, they will practice cognitive empathy.
Always remember, gaslighting friends have selfish motives. So never trust them alone with your spouse. There ultimate goal is to separate you from your partner.
What is a Gaslighter Personality?
A gaslighter personality is one who is witty, charming, and confident. Such personalities are out there to gain control over you or others. They are master manipulators and controllers who often question your sense of reality.
Furthermore, a gaslighter personality is the one who convinces you that you are a bag of problems and that no one would want to be with you.
Besides this, such a person believes that he or she is the one who knows everything. Thus, a gaslighter personality views himself or herself as the one who has no problems in life.
For instance, for a gaslighter personality, you might be a horrible employee who should have been fired way back. Or, you might be a terrible parent who doesn’t know how to bring children. Besides, you may be an individual for a gaslighter who doesn’t know how to manage his life and is a burden to others.
Thus, a gaslighter personality lives by manipulation. However, such a person uses manipulation to gain control over you. The very goal of a gaslighter is to keep you confused so that you are bound to question your reality.
Therefore, power and control are something that a gaslighter craves. Not only this, he or she puts you in double minds so that you depend on the gaslighter for understanding what is the correct form of reality.
Therefore, the more you depend on a gaslighter’s personality, the more control a gaslighter exercises on you. Further, gaslighters can be anywhere. That is, they can be in your family in the form of your parent, sibling, spouse, or an acquaintance.
Also, gaslighters can be at your workplace or at a social place. This means he or she can be your friend, neighbor, political figure, or celebrity.
What is Gaslighting Friendship?
A gaslighting friendship is the one in which your gaslighter friend pays no heed to what you want to say and has no interest in what is going well for you.
He or she sees you as a competitor and is thus not happy seeing you succeed in life. Further, a gaslighter friend makes you feel exhausted as he or she is an emotional vampire.
In other words, a gaslighter friend draws the energy out of your body. Such a person is obsessed with his or her own accomplishments and thus shows off. In addition to this, a gaslighter friend considers your accomplishments as nothing in front of his or her own achievements, even if they are delusional.
Thus, he or she tries to manipulate your behavior by making you feel as if whatever you do is insignificant. Plus, he or she makes you believe that you know nothing about how things work in life. Thus, a gaslighter friend will always portray himself or herself as the one who knows everything.
Furthermore, a gaslighter friend wants to know the details of about the terrible things happening in your life. This is because like other gaslighters, your gaslighter friend thrives on the miseries of your life.
He or she loves gossiping and would even lie to others about you. This is because your gaslighter friend finds happiness to be in an authoritative position.
In addition to this, your gaslighter friend gets pleasure in pitting you against other friends. This is because he wants to isolate you from other friends. Such a person wants to make you believe that he or she is the only friend that you have.
Here, we will try to understand gaslighting in friendship, signs of gaslighting in friends, and how to deal with a gaslighter friend?
At times people whom we consider as our friends can also gaslight us. Such friends are called frenemies – persons with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental rivalry. Thus, a gaslighting friend is the one who performs actions that really bother you.
This means that you do not get anything good from gaslighting friendship. Like typical gaslighting, your gaslighting friendship thrive on human misery. Your gaslighter friends are emotional vampires and ones who want to know everything bad happening in your life. Further, such people pay little heed to you when you want to tell something good about yourself to them.
Remember, gaslighting friends do not have any interest in anything good happening in your life. They see you as your competition and cannot resist your achievements. Following are the examples of gaslighting in friendship.
As mentioned earlier, gaslighters gossip a lot. They love to know about the terrible things happening in other people’s lives. Not only this, they also like sharing such things with others. In other words, gaslighters thrive on gossip. It gives them a feeling of power and control over others.
Thus your gaslighting friend makes use of the information about the other people to gain power. Besides this, they want people to pit against each other. So, if you encounter such a friend, you need to ensure that you disclose limited information to him/her. In case such a friend gossips about other people, distance yourself from him/her. This is a classic example of gaslighting in friendship.
According to Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, the author of the book “Gaslighting” claims that at times people whom we consider as our friends can also gaslight us.
Such friends are called frenemies – persons with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental rivalry. Thus, a gaslighting friend is the one who performs actions that really bother you.
This means that you do not get anything good from gaslighting friendship. Like typical gaslighting, your gaslighting friendship thrives on human misery. Your gaslighter friends are emotional vampires and ones who want to know everything bad happening in your life.
Further, such people pay little heed to you when you want to tell something good about yourself to them.
Remember, gaslighting friends do not have any interest in anything good happening in your life. They see you as your competition and cannot resist your achievements.
This is because they have a belief that there are limited opportunities or resources in the world. As a result, their chances of succeeding would reduce if others succeed in life.
They do not have an understanding that a person can get true happiness when he or she is happy for the achievements of other people.
Gaslighting Behaviour in Friendship
The most important question that comes to your mind is how do you tell if a friend is gaslighting you?
1. Gaslighter Friend Loves To Gossip
As mentioned earlier, gaslighters gossip a lot. They love to know about the terrible things happening in other people’s lives.
Not only this, they also like sharing such things with others. In other words, gaslighters thrive on gossip. This is because it gives them a feeling of power and control over others. Furthermore, sharing information about your life with others gives them much-needed attention.
Thus your gaslighting friend makes use of the information about the other people to gain power. Besides this, they want people to pit against each other.
Therefore, you need to observe the manner in which your gaslighter friend talks about other people in front of you. Thus, it is a sure sign of a gaslighter in case your friend gossips as well as narrates stories of misfortunes about other people with you.
Why? Well, he is sure to gossip about you as well with other people if he gossips about them with you.
2. Splitting and Lying
A gaslighter friend is great at splitting people apart. Such a person purposely pits people against one another as your gaslighter friend loves to see people fight.
Thus, the most common tactic that your gaslighter friend adopts is to tell you that a friend said something bad about you. Your gaslighter friend will bait you saying that “I heard something bad about you today”. He or she will do this hoping that you will ask in return what that something was.
Besides this, your gaslighter friend can also tell you directly that “Noyle told me that he doesn’t like the way you handle your kids”.
Remember, that gaslighters like telling you specifically that someone was questioning your parenting skills. They do this because they know that criticizing your parenting skills would certainly annoy you.
Further, your gaslighter friend does this because he or she knows that you will get induced to know what Noyle said about you.
Remember, that you do not have to go by what your gaslighter friend says something about you on behalf of someone else. There is a probability that your gaslighter friend has cooked up things.
This is because he or she knows that you would go to Noyle and question him after hearing such piercing words.
Gaslighters have the habit of lying. Thus, you need to assume those things to be false that the gaslighter told you on someone’s behalf. You need to understand that the gaslighters lie because they feel powerful over others. So, they will make up things if they do not have something to gossip about.
It does not matter to them whether they are lying about you or others while gossiping. They just want to feed their habit of knowing about things happening in other people’s life.
Besides this, they also make up things while gossiping because they want to distract others from their own behavior. They use this technique specifically when you or any other person is about to point out their bad behavior.
c. Giving Bait
Gaslighter friends offer you bait if they tell you that someone was saying bad about you. They do this for you to take the bait. Thus, gaslighters feel immensely powerful if you take the bait.
In addition to this, they love pitting you against other people or friends. This is because gaslighters want to isolate you from others. Furthermore, they would want you to consider them to be your only friend.
This way your gaslighter friends believe that they will get your full attention.
d. Tries To Befriend Your Partner
Your gaslighter friends could even go to the extent of using splitting to isolate you from your partner or your spouse.
They will let you know that your partner or spouse said something bad about you. Gaslighters do this because they know that you will get annoyed listening about bad things from your partner’s end. Moreover, they love to be the cause of the fight between you and your partner.
Additionally, gaslighters even try to form a relationship with your spouse or your partner. And they would adopt various strategies to form this special bond.
For instance, your gaslighter friend may text your partner that he or she needs help on something. Or such a friend can probably come over to your place uninvitedly. Besides this, he or she pretends to be a good listener and would showcase that he or herself is a good friend to your spouse.
Remember that gaslighters have a clear understanding of what to say in the case of long-term relationships. This is nowhere related to whether you have a healthy relationship or not. You need to understand that everyone wants other people to listen to them.
In other words, gaslighters have the ability to understand what your partner wants to feel better. This is despite the fact that you have a good relationship with your partner or spouse.
Furthermore, gaslighters come to know about things that your partner likes and continue to work hard on this ability. They play games with you and are never supportive or empathetic in the true sense. All gaslighters want is to find a way to get closer to your partner or spouse.
e. Steals Your Partner Or Spouse
Gaslighters would even try to steal your spouse. This will happen especially if you disclose to them that things are not that great between you and your spouse.
Thus, they will use such information and try to get your partner hooked. Further, gaslighters would try to showcase to your partner that they are much better as compared to you. However, gaslighters would never say things directly to your partner.
Therefore, you need to understand that a gaslighter would always increase their gaslighting behavior slowly. This is because they know that it is easy to manipulate or control people in this way.
Further, gaslighters develop emotional intimacy with your partner over a period of time. And the very foundation of such intimacy is not empathy. This is because gaslighters do not have the capability to empathize with people.
Gaslighter friends prepare your partner. They increase visits to your place when you are not at home. Then, slowly they start building intimacy by giving a compliment or passing a smile to your spouse.
Eventually, gaslighters start flirting or passing sexual comments. And a point comes when they come in physical contact with your partner.
Though, it may seem that your gaslighter friend and your partner are just friends. But, such a friend always has a personal motive behind building intimacy with your partner.
Keep in mind that your partner or spouse may not be able to understand the true intentions of your gaslighter friend. He or she may consider your gaslighter friend to be a nice person.
In such a case, you need to take the initiative of intimating your partner about the bad intentions of your gaslighter friend.
g. Have A Pattern of Deceitful Behavior
The most important question that comes to mind is how to ensure that it is not your jealousy but the bad intentions of your gaslighter friend?
Well, gaslighters have a pattern of deceitful behavior. There have been instances in the past where you have witnessed your gaslighting friend manipulating other people.
Or there have been instances where your gaslighting friend has pitted you against other friends. Besides this, you must have heard from other people that your gaslighter friend has been hitting on their partners.
Thus, in all such cases, it is quite reasonable to assume that your gaslighter friend lacks boundaries.
Besides assuming things about your gaslighter friend, you also get a gut feeling when you see your friend’s behavior with your partner. In such a case, you need to trust your instincts.
Thus, gaslighters showcase all such behaviors because they want to steal your partner. Besides this, they also want you to separate yourself from your partner so that they can have your full attention.
You need to understand that gaslighters are not bothered about you, your partner, or your relationship. They have no concern for your feelings.
Gaslighters have the habit of cheating on people. They do not care whether they are destroying someone’s relationship and family. All they want is to win the game.
Signs of Gaslighting in Friendship
Gaslighters see friends as objects. They do not want to have any relationship with you. You just act as a means for them to get what they want.
So, there are certain signals that you need to be aware of to understand gaslighting in friendships.
I. Lack of Attachment
The first signal of gaslighting in friendship is that such a relationship is not a two-way relationship. In other words, friendship with a gaslighter friend involves no give and take. It is about to take all the time. That is, it is a one-way relationship.
You are very close to your gaslighter friend and would go to a great extent to him or her in case such a friend faces any sort of challenge in life.
However, the gaslighter’s friend believes in taking and not giving or reciprocating. Such a friend would not even call you in case you face any challenge in life.
This means, in a gaslighting friendship, you are the one who is giving all the time. Whereas, your gaslighter friend is the one who is on the taking end always. Such a friend takes your time and energy until you feel exhausted.
Furthermore, your gaslighting friends blame you for not doing adequate for them. Or else, they would not come when you need them. This is despite the fact that you have done so much for them.
So, there comes a time when you feel exhausted and cannot do more for your gaslighting friends. Remember, in a gaslighting friendship, you will never be able to satisfy the narcissistic needs of your gaslighter friend.
They do this because gaslighters run away from healthy attachments. Gaslighters are attracted only towards those people or relationships whom they can control.
They may pretend to be your best friend presently. However, they may vanish altogether when they find someone else who is better placed than you are in terms of social and financial status.
This happens because gaslighters give too much importance to appearance. Further, they believe in an all or nothing approach which is a kind of cognitive distortion. As a result, they cannot handle more than one friend at a time.
For gaslighters, either one friend is superb and the other friend is terrible or vice-versa. However, there is no one that falls between these two extremes.
Thus, a gaslighter friend can leave you anytime without giving you any explanation. They may ignore you completely and move on to their next victim, that is their next best friend.
Therefore, gaslighters really do not care about your feelings as well as the feelings of their new friend. This is because they do not have the capability to empathize with others.
II. Want A Pet Not A Friend
The foundation of a gaslighting friendship is that gaslighter friends do not want a true friend. They need someone who behaves like a pet. In other words, gaslighters want to be those people who are dependent on them for their needs and serve all of their urges.
Remember that gaslighters can never form true friendships. But how do you tell if a friendship is a healthy friendship and not a gaslighting friendship?
Well, a healthy friendship is based on:
- Mutual respect
- Mutual admiration
- Being authentic to each other
- Sharing or having mutual interests
- Having similar values
In other words, both you and your friend have an understanding of the values that are important in life. These values include love, commitment, caring, respect, diversity, and much more.
However, a gaslighting friendship does not satisfy the core values of love, respect, and caring. This is because gaslighters have a pattern of not feeling these things for others.
Thus, it is important to keep in mind that you cannot change someone’s values or let them know the manner in which they should treat you. The only thing that you can do is end the friendship in case you come across a gaslighter friend.
III. Lack of Authenticity
One of the other common traits of gaslighters is that they are inauthentic. They pretend in a way that they believe that such an act would help them get what they want.
In the case of a healthy friendship, you get a sense of belongingness and can be yourself with your friends. Your friends do not judge you. In fact, they accept you the way you are and care about you.
However, this is not the case with a gaslighting friendship. In case of gaslighting in friendship, your gaslighter friend may be quite friendly with you initially. Besides this, they will even empathize with you and pretend to be as charming as they can be.
But eventually, they showcase to you their real side. You need to keep in mind that gaslighters do not have an understanding of who they are in a real sense.
As per psychologists, gaslighters do not have an integrated personality. An integrated personality is the one who knows his wants, needs and his boundaries regarding what is healthy and unhealthy for a relationship.
However, gaslighters do not have an integrated personality. As a result, they do not have the capability to behave authentically with other people. They are unsure about their real self.
Thus, things do not seem real when you experience gaslighting in a friendship. Gaslighting friendships are fake. Thus, healthy, intimate friendships are not possible without basic authenticity.
Another common trait in gaslighters is that they manipulate and control other people. In case of gaslighting in a friendship, your gaslighter friend manipulates you so that you become dependent on him or her.
You have a feeling that you cannot stay without your gaslighter friend. In other words, you would be shattered if your gaslighter friend ever leaves you.
You feel that way because you believe that there would be no person on whom you can depend for any of your life challenges.
If this happens, then you need to ponder over the gaslighting friendship once. As it is, your gaslighter friend is never there for you whenever you need him or her.
Although, you may be worried about losing your friendship with the gaslighter when you set boundaries with him or her. But, the reality is that the gaslighter was never your friend.
Your gaslighter friend would intentionally behave in such a way that you would start believing that such a person is your true friend.
Thus, it is important for you to learn to look out for as well as evaluate the health of your friendships. Once you learn this, you are prepared to go out and make friends.
How Do I Deal With a Gaslighter Friend?
1. Do Not Become Part of The Gossip
There are times when you would feel that your friend is gaslighting you as she has been gossiping about you. And you do not want to be the subject of your gaslighter friend’s gossip.
In such a case, you need to ensure that you disclose limited information to your gaslighter friend. This is because you do not want to give any ammunition to their weapon of gossip.
Additionally, you need to distance yourself from your gaslighter friend in case such a friend gossips about other people with you.
Remaining silent is not the key to get away with the problem. In fact, your silence showcases that you are complacent with the idea of your gaslighter friend gossiping about other people with you.
In other words, remaining silent and being a part of the gossip would showcase to your gaslighter friend that hurting others is acceptable to you. Instead, you need to make an effort to avoid being a part of the gossip altogether.
No doubt, gossiping is a part of human nature. It makes us feel connected and important. However, it is quite disheartening for us if someone gossips about us.
For instance, you feel betrayed when your friend tells other people about something very personal about you that only your friend knew.
Thus, you can practice the following tactics to avoid being a part of the gossip with your gaslighter friend:
- Walk away
- Change the subject of the conversation
- Tell your gaslighter friend specifically that the person whom the gaslighter is talking about would not want you to hear his or her story
Remember, your aim is to avoid being a part of the gossip and not to change your gaslighter friend’s gossiping behavior. Gaslighters never stop gossiping about other people.
They would switch to gossiping about another person even if they stop talking about a specific person.
2. Don’t Trust the Gaslighter
As mentioned above, lying is one of the common traits of gaslighters. There can be instances when they may tell you that other people were saying unflattering or unkind things about you.
Thus, this is one of the tactics that a gaslighter friend adopts to split you from other friends. They have an understanding that you would get annoyed and have a fight with the person saying bad things about you.
Remember, you do not have to trust what your gaslighting friend says about other people unless such people say things directly to you. Further, you need to directly talk to the person in question and clarify things.
There can be instances where gaslighters can even cook up things if they do not have anything to gossip about. They do not care whether they are lying about you or other people. This is because they have a pattern of lying. And this happens especially when it gives them the feeling of power over others.
Furthermore, they do not care that they are spreading lies about you or someone else while gossiping.
Thus, you need to assume those things to be false that a gaslighting friend tells you on behalf of other people. This is because it is bait that they try to offer you. Further, they wait for you to take the bait as it will give them a sense of power.
So, how can you refuse to take the bait from gaslighters? You need to tell your gaslighter friend that you are really not bothered about what other people think about you. This is because first of all, that’s none of your business.
Secondly, you can let gaslighters know people have the freedom to say whatever they want to say about other people. So you really do not care what other people say about you.
3. Warn Your Spouse
Gaslighting friends even go to the extent of forming a special bond with your spouse or partner. They will pretend that they are just good friends to your spouse and would portray themselves as good listeners.
Gaslighters are aware that to feel better, everyone wants to be listened to and feel needed. Thus, they would use this tactic to come closer to their spouse.
Remember, you do not have to share your relationship problems with gaslighting friends. This is because they will see it as an opportunity to hook up with your partner. And they do all of this very slowly.
Further, gaslighters will build emotional intimacy with your partner over time. So, you do not have to disclose to your gaslighting friends that you are going out of the city without your spouse.
So, never trust gaslighters alone with your spouse or partner. Always remember, gaslighting friends have selfish motives. Their ultimate goal is to separate you from your partner.
Besides this, you can also warn your partner about the gaslighting friend’s behavior. You can even ask your husband to set strong boundaries with your gaslighting friend.
In case, your spouse gets hooked up with your gaslighting friend but wants to work things out with you, consider leaving the relationship altogether.
4. Stay From Gaslighter Friends
In case of gaslighting in a friendship, it is always advised to stay away from a gaslighter friend. This is quite hard to do in reality, however, it is one of the best things that you can do in case of a gaslighting friendship.
Thus, staying away or cutting all ties with a gaslighter is the best alternative to prevent yourself from getting influenced in a toxic way.
Say, for instance, you and your gaslighter friend work in the same team at work. You need to shift to another department or team within the same firm or change your job altogether. This is because your gaslighter friend would continue to create havoc in your life till the time you do not take such a step.
However, there is a possibility that your gaslighter friend may get preoccupied with some other person in case you decide to shift.
5. Never Loan Or Borrow Anything From A Gaslighter
Gaslighters often go through the feeling of doing something bad to people who have done something bad to them. And such a feeling has bad consequences for even those who are their friends and have not done anything bad with them.
This happens because they want to be at par with those who wronged them in the first place. Such a feeling has no concern with whether you have done something wrong with them. In fact, your gaslighter friends engage in such actions because it gives them a sense of power or control over you.
Thus, keep in mind that you never loan something to a gaslighter. In case you do, you need to do it with an understanding that your gaslighter friend would never return the borrowed item to you.
Likewise, you should not borrow anything from gaslighters. This is because initially, they will pretend that they forget about the thing that you borrowed from them. However, eventually, they will accuse you of stealing that item from them.
Thus, do not accept anything in the form of a gift from gaslighters. In case you accept a gift, keep in mind that they will come back to bite you.
Remember, gaslighters are known for gifting things and eventually blaming you for stealing those things from them.
As mentioned above, they behave in such a way to pacify their feeling of being at par with people who wrong them. Besides this, they might behave in such a manner due to their habit of substance abuse.
Remember that gaslighters have a problem with substance abuse. So, they might give you something under the influence of a substance. And later on, blame you for stealing it from them.
6. Do Not Leave Your Kids or Pets With A Gaslighter
Never leave your kids or pets with a gaslighter friend. Gaslighters have the pattern of not being empathetic. They do not care about others and can go to any extent to wield control over other people or their valuable belongings.
In case you leave your kids with gaslighters, they will make sure that they say all bad things about you to your kids. There is a possibility that such behavior may turn your kids against you. Furthermore, they will really not care about the rules that you practice at home for your kids.
Likewise, they will abuse or neglect your pets. Furthermore, gaslighters would feed your pets with things that you specifically told them not to give to your pets.
Therefore, keep in mind that gaslighters do not care about you, your feelings, or anything that’s related to you. So, they will always try to wield power over your belongings or the most valuable beings in your life.
Thus, gaslighters are not at all the right set of people who can take the responsibility of taking care of your kids or your pets. You need to shy away from giving such a responsibility to your gaslighter friends.
7. Do Not Give Importance To the Gaslighters’ Remarks
It is quite challenging to part ways with a gaslighter friend abruptly. This is because they will feel insecure and such a feeling would compel them to create havoc in your life.
Thus, the best way to end a gaslighting friendship is to compel your gaslighter friend to move out of the relationship first. How? Well, you need to act and sound boring to the gaslighters. And this can happen only if you do not react to their remarks.
As you already know, gaslighters love to see people enraged or annoyed as they get a sense of power. However, they will get exhausted or bored if you do not respond to their remarks in an aggressive manner.
In fact, you need to make gaslighters believe that his remarks about you or other people are not making any difference to you. Thus, gaslighters would move on in case you are successful in keeping your calm and not responding aggressively to their remarks.
Keep in mind that you do not directly tell gaslighters to end the relationship or friendship. This will make them outrageous because gaslighters have a fear of abandonment and loss of control.
So, you might feel bad about leaving a gaslighting friendship or a relationship. But, this is the best way to end the gaslighting friendship in a healthy way.
8. Set Your Boundaries Clearly and Seek Legal Action
You need to express clearly to gaslighters that they need to stay away from you and your family in case they do not leave you despite setting the limits.
Moreover, you need to get in touch with the local law enforcement agency in case gaslighters violate any of the set limits or threaten you and your family.
Further, you can get in touch with a legal attorney in case the gaslighter increases the intensity of his outrageous behavior to this point.
Gaslighting Phrases in Friendship
The best to understand gaslight examples is via gaslighting phrases. There are some typical gaslighting phrases used by your gaslighter partner or spouse, friend, co-worker, or parent.
Some of the commonly used Gaslighting phrases are as follows.
- I’m going to find your weak spots and expose them.
- No one will believe you anyway.
- I have never felt this way about anyone.
- You are a loser as you’re too sensitive.
- Your family makes me uncomfortable.
- It’s not my fault. She acted that way.
- No wonder we are arguing. Your friend can’t stand you either. You treat her the same way you treat me.
- Why can’t you perform like Emma? She comes in so early every day. If she can do it, why can’t you?
- You are losing your mind. I didn’t see them do anything wrong after all.
- You have a new project because someone else was let go.
- My wife doesn’t spend much time reading at home with kids. Also, my kid’s class teacher is not good. That’s why he has issues with reading.
- I know you and your co-worker have something going on the side.
- I know it is really early to say something like this but I think we could be together for a long time.
- I’m sorry I cheated. But, if you were a better wife I wouldn’t have looked for love elsewhere.
Gaslighting Friends Quotes
“You might think, What would I do without this friend? Well, for starters, you would have a happier life.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Like all gaslighters, gaslighting friends feed off of human misery. They are emotional vampires – you feel exhausted after spending time with them.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters have no interest in what is going well for anyone else. They see your successes as ways that you are “one-upping” them. You are their competition.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters can’t grasp the concept that being happy for the people around them can also lead to their own greater happiness and success.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters are terrible gossip. They love learning unfortunate tidbits of people’s lives and sharing it with others. It is the fuel they thrive on. It gives gaslighters a feeling of power and control over others.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“People’s personal information is like currency to gaslighters – sharing it gets them the attention they crave.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“The difference between your run-of-the-mill gossipier and gaslighter is that the gaslighter uses the information about others as a way to gain power and pit people, against each other, whereas the gossipier is usually more of a yenta or busybody.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“The gossiper is just passing information to others, albeit inappropriately, whereas the gaslighter wields information like a weapon.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“It’s human nature to gossip. It makes us feel connected and important. But stop and think about what it would feel like if the target was you. What if you were to discover that something personal you’d told a friend in confidence had been spread around? You’d probably feel betrayed and hurt. Gossip doesn’t sound so enticing anymore, does it?”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Don’t think you can change gaslighters’ dishing about other people who are out of earshot. Gaslighters will never stop gossiping – they will just move on to another person so they can spill the beans.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters are great at splitting. They will purposely pit people against each other. They love to see a fight, and get excited by the fact that they made the fight happen.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“One of the most common ways gaslighters practice splitting is by telling you that a friend said something unflattering or unkind about you.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters have no problem lying, especially when it means having great power over others. This is because if gaslighters don’t have anything to gossip about, they will make it up. One of the most dangerous facets of their propensity for gossiping is that they don’t care whether they are spreading lies.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters know that people are curious about what others are doing, so they will immediately make up gossip as a way to distract from their own bad behavior. This is a technique they will use especially when you were about to call them out on their behavior.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“When gaslighters hint that someone said something about you, they are baiting you. They are betting that you’ll go for that bait like a hungry fish. If you take the bait, this gives gaslighters a tremendous feeling of power.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Another reason gaslighters practice splitting, besides to pit people against each other, is to isolate you from others. Gaslighters would love nothing more than for you to view them as your only friend. That way, gaslighters think, you will devote all your attention to them.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighting friends will even go so far as to use splitting to try to isolate you from your spouse or partner and family. They will tell you that your spouse said something unflattering about you. Gaslighters know that most people will stew over this and eventually explode.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters love to be the cause of the fight between you and your spouse. Don’t give them that power.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Sure there may be times when it appears that a gaslighter and your spouse are just hanging out as friends. However, gaslighters almost always have ulterior motives. Never trust them alone with your spouse.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“There’s just no good reason why gaslighters would need to spend time with your spouse while you aren’t there.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Keep in mind, again, that people love attention. Gaslighters can act so sweet and innocent, and it’s understandable that your spouse may not see them as destructive.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters love blaming and taking revenge.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters see friends as commodities or things. They don’t see a need for having a reciprocal or even relationship with people. They see friends as stepping stones and a way to get what they want.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“With a gaslighting friend, friendship is never fully reciprocated. There is no give and take. It takes all the time.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“In a friendship with a gaslighter, you are doing all the giving, and your gaslighter friend is doing all the taking. This includes taking your time and energy until you are exhausted.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighting friends blame you for not doing enough for them, or won’t be there for you in your time of need – even when you have given and given until you can’t give anymore.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“You just understand that you will never fulfill the gaslighter’s narcissistic needs. They are a bottomless pit.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters scurry away from healthy attachments to other relationships that they can control. They may act like your best friend today but will disappear if they find someone who seems better, more fun, or of higher social status.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“To gaslighters, it’s all about appearance. Because of their ‘all or nothing’ cognitive distortion, they can’t manage having more than one friend at a time.”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
“Gaslighters will leave you high and dry with no explanation. While you are searching online for answers or asking other friends what you did to make such people completely ignore you, the gaslighters have moved on to their next victim, their new best friend. They do not care. They don’t care about your feelings, and they don’t care about the new friend’s feelings. They lack the capacity. They have no ability to function as an empathic, decent human being. ”– Stephanie Sarkis, With Frenemies Like These, Gaslighting
Gaslighting in Female Friendships
Gaslighters are the witty, charming, and confident personalities who are out there to gain control over others. They are master manipulators and controllers who often question your sense of reality.
Furthermore, gaslighters are the ones who convince you that you are a bag of problems and that no one would want to be with you. Besides this, they believe that they are the ones who know everything. They see themselves as the ones who have no problems.
Additionally, for gaslighters, you might be a horrible employee who should have been fired way back. Or, you might be a terrible parent who doesn’t know how to bring children. Besides, you may be an individual who doesn’t know how to manage his life and is a burden to others.
Thus, Gaslighters live by manipulation. However, they use manipulation to gain control over you. The very goal of gaslighters is to keep you confused so that you are bound to question your reality.
Therefore, power and control are something that Gaslighters crave. Not only this, they put you in double minds so that you depend on them for understanding what is the correct form of reality.
The more you depend on them, the more control they exercise on you. Further, Gas Lighters can be anywhere. That is, they can be in your family in the form of your parent, sibling, spouse, or an acquaintance.
Also, gaslighters can be at your workplace or at a social place. This means he or she can be your friend, neighbor, political figure, or celebrity.
Now, gaslighting in female friendships is no different from gaslighting in a friendship. The following section lists some of the signs of gaslighting in female friendships.
Signs of Gaslighting in Female Friendships
A gaslighter friend in female friendship:
- Demands special treatment
- Makes an apology only when she needs something from you
- Manipulates you in order to get what she wants
- Isolates you from other friends or family
- Gossips about the terrible things happening in other people’s life
- Is not good at keeping your secrets
- Considers you as her competition and is not happy to see your success
- Is not there with you when you need her the most
- Does not seem interested to listen to good things happening in your life
- Considers you as crazy
- Blames you for things that she is responsible for doing
- Appreciates you at one moment but puts you down the very next moment
- Does not know how to empathize with you
- Doesn’t bother about your feelings
- Lies blatantly about someone or something
- Treats you like a pet who is dependent on her for too many things
- Tries to control or dominate you
- Is obsessed with her own accomplishments
- Tries to confuse you
- Often cheats with you or other people
- Exhaust you with time
- Does not take responsibility for the things she has done
Is My Friend Gaslighting Me Quiz
|S.No.||Questions||Yes Or No|
|1.||Do you feel exhausted after spending time with your friend?||Yes/No|
|2.||Does your friend consider you as her competition?||Yes/No|
|3.||Do you feel that your friend does not pay heed when you try telling him or her about the good things happening in your life?||Yes/No|
|4.||Does your friend feel happy when you are happy or you get success?||Yes/No|
|5.||Does your friend gossip about you or other people?||Yes/No|
|6.||Do you feel that your friend is manipulating you?||Yes/No|
|7.||Does your friend lie to you about someone or something?||Yes/No|
|8.||Does your friend try to distance you from your other friends and family?||Yes/No|
|9.||Do you feel that your friend is trying to create a special bond with your spouse or your partner?||Yes/No|
|10.||Do you feel that your friend is not there for you when you need him or her the most?||Yes/No|
|11.||Does your friend exaggerate things about others?||Yes/No|
|12.||Does your friend dominate the conversation?||Yes/No|
|13.||Do you often feel confused when you are around your friend?||Yes/No|
|14.||Do you feel that your friend controls you?||Yes/No|
|15.||Does your friend try to pit you against other people?||Yes/No|
|16.||Are you dependent on your friend for too many things?||Yes/No|
|17.||Does your friend make you feel bad or guilty when there is a conflict between the both of you?||Yes/No|
|18.||Is your friend a narcissistic personality?||Yes/No|
|19.||Does your friend blame you for the things that he or she has done?||Yes/No|
|20.||Does your friend appreciate you but the very next moment criticizes you or embarrasses you?||Yes/No|
|21.||Does your friend hold extremely critical views about someone or something that is way beyond what a normal being does?||Yes/No|
|22.||Do you often get confused when your friend asks you something?||Yes/No|
|23.||Does your friend often tell you that you are crazy?||Yes/No|